


Say Yes to the Westeros Dress

by miera



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Say Yes to the Dress Fusion, F/M, Fluff, No Incest, Olenna is a BAMF, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 02:42:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20074798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miera/pseuds/miera
Summary: Myrcella Baratheon just wants to have some bonding time with her soon-to-be aunt Brienne, but then her mother gets involved.





	Say Yes to the Westeros Dress

**Author's Note:**

> Um, hi. I'm new. *waves* My knowledge of the show canon is mostly based on reading fic so I apologize in advance if I borked anything up. Though given the premise here, I kind of doubt it.
> 
> This was a plot bunny I had that didn't work in any previous fandoms but it seemed to fit Brienne perfectly. If you're not familiar with the show, "Say Yes To The Dress" films a bride and her entourage going to a high end wedding dress boutique in New York City. Most of the drama comes from conflicts between what the bride wants and what her family wants or approves of, with commentary from the sales people in the store who are watching everything unfold. 
> 
> Bit of background: in this universe there's no incest, Cersei is just a controlling bitch. Cersei's kids are all Robert's, so Renly is Myrcella's fabulous gay uncle. Brienne is besties with Sansa and Margaery, Loras and Renly are living together.
> 
> Brienne's gown is based on the evening gown Gwen wore to the Golden Globes in 2017. You can see it here: https://www.worldcelebritydress.com/gwendoline-christie-74th-annual-golden-globe-awards-2017-white-prom-dress.html

Brienne hadn't exactly been looking forward to this Saturday even before everything went to the seven hells. 

Shopping for wedding dresses wasn't something she was ever going to enjoy, obviously. The group outing with Sansa and Margaery in two weeks was likely to be excruciating, and she had been dreading this process ever since the morning after she and Jaime officially became engaged (when she realized that there was going to have to be a _wedding_ before the "growing old together" part. She was very happy about that part, over the moon honestly, especially after how long it had taken her and Jaime to get there. But ever since that morning her life had been one long series of horrified realizations of what exactly a full-scale formal Lannister family wedding would entail and a lot of suggestions about eloping that were only held back by Jaime's affection for his aunt and her father's excitement about getting to come to the "big city" to see her get married). 

But Myrcella's suggestion the previous Sunday during brunch, that they go to Sand's, the famous wedding dress boutique featured on the tv show "Say Yes To The Westeros Dress," just the two of them, to "scope out" dresses alone, had made sense at the time. Just her and her soon-to-be niece quietly looking around, so that when her bridesmaids dragged her back, Brienne might have some ideas of her own instead of letting her friends put her into whatever outrageously overpriced formal gown they could find.

Okay, it was also about spending time with Myrcella who, along with her younger brother, were two of the few Lannisters Jaime actually liked. Their mother, Jaime's twin sister, had been wrapped up her in oldest son's problems for a long time, and when their father died, Jaime had stepped in to ensure his niece and nephew weren't abandoned to the care of nannies and tutors the way he had been when he was young. 

Which was why Brienne had found herself having Sunday brunch with Myrcella and little Tommen fairly regularly for a while now, and why she had agreed to the shopping excursion. In the back of her mind, Brienne was thinking this might help her if she someday had a daughter who wanted to do things like go clothes shopping together. Brienne had never done that with her own mother, who died when she was small. And she had never been a fan of clothes or fashion, most of which was unsuited to her body, despite Sansa's religious instructions about fashion dos and don'ts. She needed all the training she could get.

(The thought of having a baby with Jaime made her stomach flutter still. Jaime was very, very clear that he wanted to have a family with her, and had been trying to convince her they needed to start practicing the baby-making part soon. As in "on their honeymoon if not before" soon. It was lucky she was so ridiculously in love with him. But the last thing she needed was trying to find a wedding dress that fit her pregnant body.)

Had they been able to stick to the original plan, things would've been fine. They would've gone to Sand's, browsed around, then maybe hit a few other less stressful spots before getting an early lunch and getting Myrcella back home before her mother returned from her weekly visit to the spa.

Instead, when Brienne opened the door of her and Jaime's apartment, she was met with a video camera looming over the shoulder of the last person she wanted to see: Cersei Lannister-Baratheon.

*****

Myrcy: HELP! 9-11! MOM HIJACKED MY SHOPPING TRIP WITH AUNT BRIENNE.  
Uncle Renly: What?!?  
Myrcy: We were supposed to go browsing wedding dresses together this morning but Mom found out  
Myrcy: THERE'S A FILM CREW I THINK MOM SIGNED BRIENNE UP FOR A SAY YES TO THE DRESS EPISODE HELP HELP HELP  
_Queen of Thorns has joined the conversation_  
Uncle Renly: M did u know about this?  
Margaery: what in the 7 hells? We're supposed to take Bri to Sands in 2 weeks, not today  
Myrcy: I know, she told me. We were just going to go look around. I thought it might make her more comfortable?  
_Queen of the North has joined the conversation_  
Sansa: WTH?  
Margaery: The Bitch Queen Baratheon is taking Brienne to Sands WITH A FUCKING FILM CREW  
Sansa: WHAT THE FUCK. NO.  
Sansa: Guys, seriously, Brienne will kill someone.  
Sansa: or herself  
Sansa: or both  
Margaery: Probably Cersei's plan  
Myrcy: Shit this is all my fault Mom must have seen my calendar on my phone. Brienne looks awful, I feel so bad  
Uncle Renly: language  
Margaery: not now, Ren.  
Margaery: It's not your fault, kiddo.  
Myrcy: Please help me  
Uncle Renly: We're coming, hon. Avengers assemble!  
Sansa: I'm already in a cab  
Margaery: Myrcy, see if you can stall things until the reinforcements arrive.

***

_Text message from Queen of the North to Queen of Thorns_  
Sansa: We're gonna need the big guns for this  
Margaery: Already on it  
Sansa: Wait, who did you mean?  
Margaery: Who did YOU mean? 

****

It was Pia's first time being filmed for an episode of the show since she started working at Sands. There were older, more experienced associates who usually worked with the film crews who came to Sand's on a regular basis in the city's most famous wedding boutique. But this wasn't the regular film crew from the show, and the appointment had been called in at the last minute the day before, when everyone else was already booked. Usually it took a few months to arrange a filming for a particular bride.

Pia might not have worked in the shop all that long, but she knew something fishy was going on.

But Cersei Lannister was 1) famous, b) filthy rich, and iii) a total bitch, and Pia was not going to oppose the woman as she dictated Pia gather a bunch of huge, ornate, traditional princess ball gowns for her future good sister to try on. 

She felt bad for the bride, who was submitting to everything with a miserable look on her face. Then again, she was the bride to be, it was supposed to be about her wedding. Why wasn't she sticking up for herself at all? Cersei wasn't the one getting married. This time, anyway.

The kid with them was furtively texting and trying not to get caught by her mother looking at her phone. Meanwhile the camera crew was tripping over the regular camera crew that was also in the shop. And Cersei was partaking of the complimentary champagne at an alarming rate.

Pia felt the headache already forming and it wasn't even noon.

Cersei had walked off to take a seat and the bride had headed toward the changing rooms when the kid, Myrcella, appeared in Pia's path, holding out a 20 dragon note. Pia immediately lowered the girl's arm so it wouldn't be seen by anyone. 

The girl looked at Pia with a pleading expression. "Stall. Please."

OK so maybe the texting wasn't just boredom. Curious.

Pia took the note and palmed it under the mountain of tulle she was carrying and nodded. 

****

Brienne remembered one of her favorite lines from one of her favorite novels. The heroine was in a similar situation, standing in front of a mirror in a fancy dress shop although not in a wedding dress, staring in horror at her own reflection. 

She was suffocating in an enormously fluffy ball gown. The bodice had to be pinned tightly together in back, since her breasts weren't large enough for the cups. The hips were also pinned, because she didn't have a curvy waist. So basically she had a ton of beaded lace wrapped around the top half of her while below her hips the skirt flared out crazily in all directions. Like an upside down mushroom that had blown out like a broken umbrella, the stem straight and flat above it. 

And to top it off, the dress was too short, because of course it was. Her ankles and feet were visible under the hem. 

_"I'd kill myself but this isn't the last thing I want to see before I go."_

The sales girl, Pia, snorted and Brienne realized she'd spoken out loud. 

Brienne cringed. "I'm sorry. The dress is… very nice." 

Pia met her eyes in the mirror and then glanced over at the camera operator, who was capturing the fitting. Even she looked sympathetic. 

"I'm not sure this is the right fit for you," Pia said diplomatically. "Do you want to go show your… friends?"

Was there any point in parading herself out in front of Cersei and the entire shop like this? Well, that was probably entirely the point for Cersei, but was it at all possible any of the other dresses might be better?

"Take your time," Pia added.

Brienne stared in the mirror. "Maybe, something a little longer? And less…"

"Pouffy?"

"Yes."

****

Myrcella tried not to keep looking at the door to Sand's. Not that her mother would've noticed, she was too busy making snide comments about other brides who were in the store trying on dresses. But there was a camera crew hovering and filming them waiting for Brienne to come out. Hopefully the microphones weren't capturing her mother's commentary.

She wanted to cry. She had just wanted to spend some time alone with Brienne and get to know her better. Her soon-to-be-aunt had been around for years but always at the periphery. Even after her father died and Uncle Jaime became more involved in their lives while Mom was dealing with Joffrey's… issues… Brienne was more a name than a person. A name her uncle used quite a bit, especially after he lost his hand, but still. It wasn't until after they were officially engaged that Brienne started spending much time with her and Tommen.

(Uncle Tyrion claimed Uncle Jaime had been in love with Brienne for ages before they finally started dating, which was another reason Myrcella wanted to talk to her alone. Uncle Jaime would never give her the straight story and Uncle Tyrion, she knew, wasn't the world's most reliable narrator. It was a fact that Brienne had known Jaime for years and been the one who really pushed him to keep going after the accident that took his hand. Myrcella wanted to know the story, albeit not without hearing the icky bits about her own uncle, obviously.)

Plus spending time with her Mom had always been kind of stressful. Brienne was more laid back about things. Myrcella had wished more than once she had an older sister to hang out with. Anybody instead of Joff would be better, of course, but it would be nice to have someone to… just _talk_ to about things. Other girls at her boarding school spent time with their moms or their sisters and texted them all the time. It would be nice to have that for herself. 

And now her mom had gone and ruined it. She was sure her mother had chosen the typical fancy ball gowns because they'd look terrible on Brienne too, for all she chattered away about the Lannister name and expectations and all that other bullshit. Uncle Jaime didn't care about any of that, Myrcella knew. He wanted Brienne to be happy. 

Unfortunately, Uncle Jaime was in Essos right now on a business trip and couldn't help. 

****

Myrcy: WHERE ARE YOU GUYS?  
Uncle Renly: Calvary's almost there, kiddo. Hang tight.  
Sansa: Myrcy, does your Mom expect us?  
Myrcy: No?  
Myrcy: I think she found out about the shopping by looking at my phone. Which is creepy and gross.  
Myrcy: It just said I was meeting Brienne today  
Sansa: Don't want u to get in trouble. Pretend we were planning to meet there?  
Uncle Renly: Good call, Sansa.  
Uncle Renly: I had no idea you were that devious  
Margaery: *eyeroll emoji*  
Sansa: Thanks. I think. Traffic is sucking hard. I might get out and walk. Marg, where r u?  
Margaery: Pit stop. Will be there ASAP.  
Myrcy: PIT STOP FOR WHAT?  
Margaery: Trust us, hon. 

****

The one small thing to be grateful for was that Pia had ejected the camera while Brienne was getting into and out of the gowns and so far hadn't let the woman and her giant lens that recorded all of Brienne's humiliation back into the fitting room yet, even though she was in the last dress that Cersei had picked out.

Everything else was terrible, so Brienne tried to latch on to that small bit of mercy, but it was no use.

It was like being thrown back a year, before she and Jaime started dating, back when she told herself it was impossible, he could never possibly be attracted to her, let alone want to be with her. She had tried to cut off their friendship, like an idiot, because she didn't see another way to stop herself from loving him and hurt Jaime terribly in the process. The litany in her head, about how she was too tall, too ugly, too bucktoothed and freckled and her body was too mannish and straight to be desirable, and she was too awkward and tense and serious for someone like Jaime Lannister, was back in full-force. The hours and days - and nights - Jaime had spent demonstrating to her over and over and over that none of it was true were gone like they'd never happened. 

Truth was in the mirrors, after all, not in words, as her childhood nanny had told her. 

The beaded lace and tulle stuck awkwardly around her body, not fitting right anywhere. The overhead lighting wasn't helping her freckles or the paleness of her skin. She bit down on her lip, although that did nothing but draw attention to how wide her mouth was, too wide for even her large face. And it showed off her teeth, which despite the braces she'd suffered in middle school were still too big. The puffy sleeves of the gown strained at her expansive shoulders. The skirt hung limply where it should've flowed out because she had no hips to carry it. Her shoulders were hunched over and she looked… absurd.

It was all just absurd. 

_I can't do this,_ she thought. _I can't be a Lannister. I don't belong in this world. I don't belong with him. Why would he want to look at this? Who could possibly want to see this day after day? _

A box of tissues appeared before her. Brienne hadn't even realized her eyes were welling up. 

There was a knock on the door. The camera operator opened it, hovering at the ready, when Pia told her to come in, and another employee was standing there nervously. "Ms. Lannister asked what was taking so long."

Brienne choked out what might have been a laugh. 

Pia, bless her, tried to intervene. "I'm not sure Ms. Tarth is ready to go out yet-"

But Brienne knew it was over. Nothing could help this. Might as well get it over with. Maybe Cersei would get the video to Jaime and Brienne could pack her bags and get out of the apartment before he got home from Essos. 

She turned and walked back toward the main room like she was going to her doom, startling both sales associates and the camera person. She tried to stand up a little straighter, painfully aware that unlike the tiny, curvy women around her, she didn't need to lift the hem of her skirt up daintily to carry it and not trip. The thought made her flush, the blotchy patches just adding a final rancid cherry on top of the shit sundae of this morning. 

But she'd go out there, let Cersei have at her for a few minutes, then say she didn't think they'd find anything today and that would be that. 

She hesitated at the edge of the main room, allowing Pia to step ahead of her and lead her to wherever Cersei and Myrcella were sitting. Then she heard her name and froze.

"Brienne!" 

"Honey, what in the hells are you wearing?"

_That was Renly,_ she thought distantly. What was Renly doing here?

Her gait slowed as she realized Renly, along with Loras and Sansa were sitting on couches next to Myrcella and Cersei, who was glaring at Renly.

What were they all _doing_ here? 

Myrcella was looking at Brienne with a mix of horror at her dress and faint hope?

Loras pinched Renly, who waved a hand. "Sorry, the dress itself is fine, but do you really think that's the right gown for Brienne? Who picked that out?"

"I did," Cersei snapped. "Brienne is about to become a Lannister, and there are expectations that come with that position. I hardly think you are the best person to advise on this, Renly."

"My dear good sister, nobody knows more about wedding fashions than two out gay men," Renly said with false sweetness. 

Cersei opened her mouth to retort but a new voice cut across the store. "My gods, child, that gown is an insult to your entire figure. Take it off at once!" 

Margaery was escorting her grandmother Olenna over to the group. "Sorry we're late!" Margaery trilled, aiming a wicked smile at Cersei. 

"I think you got here just in time," Sansa put in drily. 

Brienne was still trying to catch up. Where had they… how had… and now Olenna Tyrell, absolute force of nature, was here? 

"I mean it, Brienne. That gown may be perfectly lovely for some other young lady, but it does absolutely nothing for you," Olenna continued with a regal nod when Myrcella hopped up to give the elderly woman her seat. "I insist you remove that offending article and find something more suitable."

Cersei looked like she could spit nails, but she didn't dare insult Olenna directly. "As I was saying, given that Brienne is joining my family, I think I'm best in position to suggest what would be appropriate for a Lannister bride to wear on her wedding day."

Olenna took a glass of champagne and fixed Cersei with a mild look that would have terrified anyone with common sense. "Surely the most important thing is that a Lannister bride look fabulous on her wedding day, regardless of the style of the gown? It would never do to have a member of such an old and prominent house look dowdy on the front page of every tabloid in King's Landing, would it?"

Everyone turned to Cersei, waiting for her to respond to Olenna's summary of exactly what she had intended being articulated out loud. 

If it hadn't been Cersei, she probably would've found a way to gracefully back down, but it was Cersei, so her eyes just narrowed. "Of course not, but since it's Lannister money paying for the dress-"

"It isn't," put in yet another voice and everyone turned to see Tyrion walking toward them. 

"What are you doing here?" Cersei snapped at her brother.

He blithely ignored his sister. "Brienne's wedding gown is my gift to her for putting up with my brother taking so damned long to get around to proposing." This was news to Brienne but so much was happening so fast it hardly mattered. "So your opinion of what the Lannister family should pay for is irrelevant, sweet sister."

Renly whispered to Loras, "Isn't it still technically Lannister money if he's paying?" Loras kicked him in the shins. 

Brienne still hadn't been able to bring herself to speak. Her eyes just swung from person to person until Tyrion came up to her and took her hand. "I know Jaime can't see the dress until your wedding day, so I'm here to stand in his place. He'll want you to be comfortable, first and foremost. Are you comfortable in this… thing?"

Brienne avoided looking at Cersei and shook her head. 

Sansa came up on her other side, putting a comforting arm around her waist. "Brie, do you like this dress?"

"I…" her eyes flicked to the cameras then back to Sansa's face, "It's very beautiful but I don't think it's really… me?"

Sansa winked at her and turned to Pia. "Ms. Pia, is it? I think we're going to go in a different direction here. 

Margaery added, "Oh and you can turn those cameras off. I am not signing any kind of release form to be filmed and neither is my grandmother, so you're done for the day."

Pia was smiling and Brienne felt almost dizzy with relief as they headed back toward the fitting rooms. 

Olenna thumped her cane. "Someone find Ellaria if she's skulking around somewhere. Tell her my granddaughter's best friend is in need of a gown befitting a warrior goddess. Oh and more champagne!"

****

**Kings Landing Post**  
_Style Section_

The Tarth-Lannister wedding lived up to the expectations last weekend, according to style consultants and the city's fashion mongers. The new Mrs. Tarth-Lannister, _nee_ Brienne Tarth, was dressed in a sleek Ellaria Sand original that evoked old school film stars rather than the typical fairy tale princesses and showed off her athletic height and toned arms. The white gown was form fitting with a wide scoop neck and a modified train that hung from the shoulders, like a bride's cloak of olden times. Sources tell us Ms. Sand was inspired by a conversation with the _doyenne_ of King's Landing society, Ms. Olenna Tyrell, to create the one-of-a-kind gown for the bride. Mr. Lannister wore a navy suit cut in the style of the same era, with the bridal party matching the happy couple in shades of blue, including the groom's niece and nephew, who were listed as "The Lady of Flowers" and the "Lord of the Ring" in lieu of the more conventional titles in the programs, surely amusing scholars of the Age of Heroes and nerds everywhere. (Photo, l-r, Ms. Sansa Stark of Winterfell, maid of honor; Mr. Tyrion Lannister, of Casterly Rock, best man; the bride and groom; Mr. Addam Marbrand, groomsman; Ms. Margaery Tyrell of Highgarden, bridesmaid).


End file.
